Growing up, I never wore matching socks. The only time I wore matching socks consistently was to soccer games, and that was because it was mandatory. On any given day I could be found wearing a green, pink, and purple polka dot sock on my left foot, and a gray, red, and yellow striped sock on my right. My family and friends would poke fun at me for never matching, but that never discouraged my mismatched tootsies. But why is this significant? It’s the method behind my eclectic feet. The significance lies in the fact that I wore two different socks each day because I was unable to decide on just one, I walked a tightrope instead of stepping to either side of it, and I was afraid I wouldn’t be content with the pair I chose and so I just wore the two I narrowed it down to instead. I was so indecisive about things it was almost crippling.
Come Thou Fount has always been one of my favorite hymns, but I never could quite put my finger on why I was so drawn to it. In recent months, this hymn, these lyrics have become so present in my life and God has been attempting to speak to me through them. And finally, this week, I decided to listen. The hymn as a whole is beautiful, but the last several lines have always stuck out the most to me. One part says “prone to wander” and it couldn’t be more true. Just like my inability to pick one pair of socks to wear growing up, I’ve had times where I am unable to pick one Master to serve. As I said previously, I walked a tightrope wire instead of making a decision with my socks. And I’ve done the same with my Christian walk; I think we all have. I lacked the trust to step onto the platform of God out of fear of what I might leave behind so I wandered back and forth each day. I was fearful to decide. And I was fearful to walk to far to either end of the wire out of fear that I wouldn’t be able to make it back closer to the other end. I knew that I stayed closer to the end of the world, and that it was a dangerous walk to reach the other side. Each end of the wire has its own individual appeal, and a definite decision is daunting, and to walk away from the side of the world completely doesn’t seem as immediately fulfilling. Because it isn’t always. Choosing to step onto the platform of the world often gives immediate satisfaction but it also leads to a dead end, to a place without sustenance or lasting results. Choosing to step on the platform of our Heavenly Father doesn’t always have immediate, perfect results that we can see. But we aren’t promised easy, we are promised eternity. When we choose to follow Him and sometimes pass on the desires of the flesh, we are being prepared for something greater, something Heavenly.
“…Bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
prone to leave the God I love;
here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
seal it for thy courts above.”
Prone to wander deep into the world. Prone to wander after my own selfish desires. Prone to wander after the temporary. Prone to wander after “insert what you wander to here”. I am prone to leave the God I love. But why? Why do we, why do I, choose to leave the presence of my Heavenly Father to run straight into the dangerous grasp of the world? Why can I tell myself it is better, beneficial to draw near to God and run from the world and yet there are times where I do the opposite? Because we are fallen. We are messy. We are broken. We are human. But thankfully, God is graceful. He is all powerful. He is whole. He is God. And no matter how far we run, (notice- we do the running) He remains steadfast, constant, and true. Offer your heart to God. Stop trying to balance on a wire and instead step onto the platform, onto the firm and safe foundation of the Rock. And when you begin to step back onto the tightrope, remember what brought you to Him in the first place.