This past week was my first at Park Springs for the summer.
I love working at camp, I always have.
But this summer is slightly different than the others.
My position is different. And this is my first summer as a college graduate.
My life has entered into a transitional period, and somehow, in the midst of all of the packing and unpacking I have done in the last several months, I seemed to have included some extra baggage with me:
doubt. and the doubt led to being discouraged.
On and off lately, my heart has been heavy with self doubt.
Am I where I’m supposed to be?
Am I doing what I’m called to do?
Is this what I want?
Am I happy?
Am I making a difference?
What comes next?
How is my leadership?
Am I capable?
Am I proud of where I am currently? Is anyone else?
What if I miss what the Lord is telling me?
I begged the Lord this week to steady my heart and give some peace.
I begged and prayed, and I was excited for what I was going to learn.
I knew I was traveling over the weekend, and the Lord always reveals Himself in big ways to me during my travels – it’s part of the reason why I love it so much.
I had no idea the magnitude that He would show up in my life though.
I drove from camp into Kernersville late Thursday night and obviously, I had to stop and grab a cup of coffee before heading home. Before I left, I noticed a woman who is a former dance teacher, a mentor, and a friend of mine talking with someone outside. I stopped to give a hug and say hello and my heart was instantly comforted by her words throughout the conversation:
“I follow you through Facebook, and your blog”
“I’m so proud of all you’ve done, and where you’re at”
“You look happy”
“I just love you”
The three of us talked about dance, blogging, following dreams, and faith. We also talked about being big fish in small ponds versus small fish in big ponds, and how experiences are what you made of them. They are about perspective and attitude. One jokingly said, “you should write one about the fishes”. Little did she know, I would. But not for the obvious reasons. I thought about people as ‘fish’. And it reminded me of the call to be fishers of men. Each fish, small or large, in ponds small or large are so very important to our Heavenly Father.
As I drove home I thanked the Lord for some peace and His wisdom..
Friday I met up with another special person before having to leave. She and I caught up on life and shared many laughs. It was a time filled with candid, light conversation. And when we got up to leave, she looked me in the eyes and told me how much she loved me, how proud she was of me, and how evident it was to her that I am seeking God’s will for my life. I got in my car in awe of God speaking to my heart yet again, and began a drive to Kentucky for the weekend. My intention was to drive to Kentucky for a graduation, handle some apartment things, and say goodbye for now to a few people. It became so much more.
Friday night, I had the privilege of praying over two gorgeous young ladies as they embarked on a summer of traveling on Camp Teams for KCU. When I finished, I had tears in my eyes and one of them looked me in the eyes and told me that I had been a factor in her spiritual walk. And Saturday something very similar happened. At the graduation, two young ladies sang the song “Steady Heart” (attached at the bottom of the blog, go listen, seriously.) which, obviously, steadied my heart, just as I prayed. I’m listening to it now as I write. As I hugged goodbye and prayed with one of them, a very precious friend, I was fighting back tears once again. She thanked me for friendship and for being an encourager and positive influence to her life.
And throughout the weekend, I have felt so blessed by one of my former girls as an RA. She gladly opened up her apartment to me and made me feel so loved and at home, saying “my home is your home anytime you need”. And another friend in Texas taking time to text and ask about my heart.
I am so thankful and overwhelmed for all of these love letters from my Heavenly Father this weekend. His timing is perfect and He will always reveal Himself when we seek Him and ask for wisdom. Also, never underestimate the impact you can have on someone. You may make a difference in someones life whether you’re aware of it or not. And don’t forget to be thankful for the blessings of this life, small or large. Pay attention to His voice when He speaks. Be a positive influence. Shine His light wherever you go. Be bold. Keep faith. Love always. Pay attention to the needs of His fish, encourage them, and share His grace and love and faithfulness with them.