Five Years Deep

“We’ll never know the deep, deep love of God”

Those were some of the words that I sang at church this morning before heading back to Kentucky. Those were some of the words that I hummed to between sips of black cherry soda. Those were some of the words that I had 5.5 hours through 4 states to reflect on.

For those of you who have followed my blog for a while, or for those of you who may know me personally; there is something special about March 20th that I celebrate each year.

March 20th is the first day of Spring.
March 20th is the International Day of Happiness.
March 20th is days before my birthday.
March 20th this year is a week before Easter.
March 20th each year marks the anniversary of a chance at new life for me.

I’ve told my story of almost committing suicide before, and while I never shy from telling it, I want to give a slightly different approach on how special this day is for me.

When I was thinking about those lyrics, 
“we’ll never know…”
I thought about how incredibly amazing it is that in this life, I’ll never truly know how deep the Lord loves me. I can try to grasp it, but I can never fully know.

While I can never fully know the deep, deep love of God on this side of Eternity – I have seen glimpses of His love that leave me speechless that His love is even more than what I have already seen. Five years ago I was at a place where all I heard were the lies the enemy was whispering to me. I couldn’t understand how God loved me. I couldn’t hear Him shouting above those whispers about His love and compassion.

But now…

I know that He loves me to the extent that before I was born, He sent Christ to die for me.
I know that He loves me enough to wreck my plans of giving up.
I know that He loves me enough to send fists banging on my door late at night to stop me from taking too many pills 5 years ago.
I know that He loves me enough to give me purpose.
I know that He loves me enough to bring me into a family in Him
I know that He loves me so much that He places little love letters of encouragement throughout my life to remind me that I am not alone.
I know that He loves me with a love so pure and powerful that He never has and never will give up on me, even when I have spit in His face and walked the other way.
I know that He loves me because He created Love and He is Love.

And because He loves me:
I have an entire life in front of me to continue growing in Him and seeking Him and seeing new facets of His nature that reveal His love for me.

After my drive through mountains, past rivers, under blue skies and sunshine, through pouring rain and fog, with traffic and with empty and winding roads – I am reminded that when I stopped realizing five years ago how deep the Father loves me, He reminded me in the biggest way- and has reminded me each step since then just how deep His love is for me; and that is worth living for.

Today I can firmly say that I am five years deep into a new journey realizing how incredible God’s love is and what He can do with an obedient and willing heart. I hope that we all can come to that same realization and then cling to it- even in the most difficult of times.